Hot H2O
07-15-2003, 11:20 PM
It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. Theseawards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual,
who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP
A San Anselmo, California man died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital.
The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to
protect
skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide
down
the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
removed.
4th RUNNER-UP
Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market.
When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog,
shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police
found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP
Poacher Marino Malerba of Spain shot a stag standing above him on an
overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP
"Man loses face at party" is what the headline read: A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas
who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a
blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that
blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said
Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to battery and
was
trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and Stromyer said: 'I'll show you
how to set it off.' He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his
teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne added. Stromyer was listed
in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according
to
a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot
through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be
released
soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye e last weekend
during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous in
Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but
the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone
1
millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut
and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw
at
the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10
inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet
somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that
had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
killed
himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No
charges
have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said
the
initiation stunt is under investigation.
THIS YEAR'S WINNER
The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at
the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had
18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
nine
foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over
to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier
than Mr. Hawkins to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side
of the
fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a
tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring
the
bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to
cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr.
Pernicky
crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and
worse, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his
rectum. To make matters worse still, on landing, his pocket knife
penetrated
his
thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,
threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the
pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state,
he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing 30'
below atop his friend, killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed
pickup
with its driver thrown 100' from the truck and dead from massive internal
injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked,
scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh,
and his
shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
Hearty congratulations gentlemen, you win!
who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP
A San Anselmo, California man died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital.
The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to
protect
skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide
down
the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
removed.
4th RUNNER-UP
Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market.
When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog,
shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police
found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP
Poacher Marino Malerba of Spain shot a stag standing above him on an
overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP
"Man loses face at party" is what the headline read: A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas
who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a
blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that
blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said
Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to battery and
was
trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and Stromyer said: 'I'll show you
how to set it off.' He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his
teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne added. Stromyer was listed
in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according
to
a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot
through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be
released
soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye e last weekend
during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous in
Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but
the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone
1
millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut
and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw
at
the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10
inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet
somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that
had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
killed
himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No
charges
have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said
the
initiation stunt is under investigation.
THIS YEAR'S WINNER
The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at
the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had
18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
nine
foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over
to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier
than Mr. Hawkins to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side
of the
fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a
tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring
the
bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to
cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr.
Pernicky
crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and
worse, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his
rectum. To make matters worse still, on landing, his pocket knife
penetrated
his
thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,
threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the
pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state,
he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing 30'
below atop his friend, killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed
pickup
with its driver thrown 100' from the truck and dead from massive internal
injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked,
scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh,
and his
shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
Hearty congratulations gentlemen, you win!