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Fortuitous

Jimway

Jimway

Well-known member
I just have to share this little story with my Checkmate Brothers. A few weeks ago I was out early on the way to a job. I felt a need to make an appearence at the local doughnut shop. My regular doughnut shop was closed due to the holiday, much to my chagrin. I sat in the truck forlornly, with my elbows on the steering wheel and my chin upon both fists. I immediately thought about going back home and getting the boat and hitting the lake and just forgeting about work for the day. By and by, I thought about searching out another source of sugary treats. I stopped in at a nearby large chain food store to peruse the possible doughnut selection and reluctantly picked out a few. Now since I was kind of upset at finding my favorite spot closed, I was kind of put out and not quite paying that much attention as I approached the checkout station. I pulled out my wallet to pay for the goodies. I know how much the sugary treats are at my usual spot, and had the coin all ready to go in my shirt pocket, but had to pull my wallet because the big store was a little more. I remarked to the checker there regarding how early and quiet it was. So as I left the door of the store to walk toward the truck, I was carrying my wallet and change in one hand and the box of goodies in the other. A smart fella would have put his change in his wallet and repaced said wallet in his pants pocket before he left the store. So as I reached the old Ranger, my hands were full. At this moment, three kids rolled up on their bicycles, probably on their way home from a hard night of partying and shoplifting and purse snatching and petty theft. The lot was nearly empty of cars. I placed my wallet upon the fiberglass bed cover and was reaching into my pocket for the truck keys when one of the rascals said " Hey old man, give me your wallet ".
 
I took one step forward and sized up the situation. The little varmints reminded me of prey. " Perhaps you should be on your way to kinde garden " I said, " You do attend school don't you? " The apparent leader of the bike-er gang was rather put out that I wasn't handing over some of my personal property and spoke loudly and also added some inapropriate profanity here and there, "GIVE ME THE MONEY" he says. I smiled. I imagine the smile started out small but slowly spread all the way across my face just like the Grinch who stole Christmas. The farthest away varmint stared at me blankly. The next closest one grabbed the handlebar of the leaders bicycle. "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request " I stated. ( Stole that phrase from a pirate movie) They looked at me with question in their eyes. "Means no " I said slowly. When I said no, the instigator ( the varmint in the middle ) shook the leaders bike a little. The leader got off his bike and reached into his pocket. I exhaled and reached into my vest with my right hand while taking my left hand and stroking my chin. The leader pulled out a knife from his Hoodie pocket. He stepped forward, "Give me the money" he repeated. " Or I'm gonna slice you up ". " STICK EM" said varmint number two with an expectant smirk on his face. Varmint number three looked like he might be about to wet his pants as he stared wide eyed at the knife and started backing up. " Have either of you studied any foreign language in school this year?" I asked. "German perhaps?, Ich habe eine waffe " I said. There was no look of understanding. " How about Spanish?" I asked, " Trabo un cuchillo a un tiroteo". There was still no response. " Oh, I know, how about Russian, U menya yest oruzhiye" I said. The smile on varmint number two began to fade away. Knife boy stepped forward with the knife held up like a cross or something to ward me off.
 
Ich habe eine waffe = I have a weapon
Trabo un cuchillo a un tiroteo= knife to a gun fight
U menya yest oruzhiye=?

Somebody gonna get a surprise:popcorn:
 
As knife boy moves close enough, I reach out with my left hand and clamp down hard at his right wrist, bend it back, and pull him toward me. I wrap my right arm around his and pull him real close while overextending his elbow joint. He starts yelling for help from his counterparts. They show the first signs of intelligence that morning by staying back. In fact, as I glanced their way, It looked very much like they were on the verge of high speed flight. I flick the knife from his hand with my thumb and it falls upon the tonneau cover. My next little James Bond move is to hold on to his arm with my right arm but to quickly spin around counterclockwise and hit him in his hard little noggin with my left elbow. But as I spin around, he is bringing both of those fancy tenny runners up to try to help pull his arm out from my grip. I end up depositing him upon the tonneau cover pulling for all of his worth. ( about 15 cents ) At this point he is kicking at my chest while pulling his right arm loose and sitting on the tonneau cover. I smack him square in the face with an open right hand forward thrust. His pitch becomes higher. My smack knocks him loose from my left grip. I struggle to get a hold of him. He grabs the opposite edge of the tonneau cover and tries to pull away. I get a hold of his drawers which come down even farther. Now stupidly, I lessen my grip but pull him around by his britches to step around to the rear of the old Ranger. I am now fully ready to take care of business, and state as much even offering special treatment to the other two if they stay put for a moment. They take to their heels in a display of terrific acceleration. Right here is where I make the bonehead of the year award. Knifeboy has slid down the rear of the truck and gotton his pants stuck on the trailer ball sticking out of the receiver. The sight of his protruding rear is more than I can bear and I decide rather quickly, too quickly,I might add, to use my right foot to place his rear end back into those low fitting jeans of his. I am ready to give new meaning to the term install my foot sideways. I pull my foot back like a punter at the superbowl and aim for the region right where his legs come together, to apply some serious force. You can imagine my surprise when I make direct contact with the receiver.
 
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