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Interestin Development

Jimway

Jimway

Well-known member
Once again the names has been changed to protect the guilty and cast some doubt upon the innocent. A little while back while the sun was still shinin, a buddy of mine was down at the lake and had a small run in with what looked like a homeless guy. Buddy rolls up to deposit his boat into the water. Homeless guy approaches and asks for some money. Buddy declines. Homeless guy demands money in load voice. Buddy does best impression of being attracted to homeless guy and makes some references about how much better the homeless guy would look with a haircut and some new clothes and maybe a dinner date could be arranged. Others at the boat ramp are taking great pleasure in the display and enjoying the acting going on and some of them actually fall over while trying to hide thier laughing. Homeless guy recoils at the offer and walks off quickly making crude comments. The homeless guy looks like he has been in the sun all of his life cause his skin is like leather. There appears to be a protective crust on him that is probably impervious to water and helps keep out any germs that might be present. He has on hiking boots, corduroy pants that are kind of shredded just below the knees, a few flannel shirts, a sweater, and this big overcoat with a fur coller. On his hands is these knitted fingerless gloves. Rounding out the ensemble is a backpack and guitar, which he strums on in spite of it being hopelessly out of tune. At one time, them clothes was probably different colors, but now they are kind of a greenish brown. The purfume he is sporting is beyond description, and even though it is pretty hot out, you can see his breath when he exhales, cause it's kind of greenish brown too.....
 
When your buddy got back to pull his boat out of the water was his truck still there and untouched. In a case like that if I am arriving I will generally give a buck or two, if I am leaving I usually don't give anything.
 
During the summer, the homeless looking guy has been hangin around the ramp some. On days that have him present and accounted for, some people have had some of thier stuff become unpresent and unaccounted for. Now I noticed the connection early on, and started not to like the HG {Homeless Guy}cause I figured he was up to no good. When he don't get his way, he gets real loud and obnoxious, kind of like some people we could mention, but wont. Most people wander away from him pretty quick when he gets this way. By the end of the season, people are startin to dislike the HG, and are gettin pretty close to open warfare. Also during the season, my Buddy has been pretty fair in dolling out help, tools, and jumpstarts and tows, when other people's day at the lake aint gone quite as planned. People are startin to like him and give nods and quick waves and smiles when he goes past a little too fast. Not bein too afraid of the HG, I have intimated to him, rather loudly and crudely, that as long as he stays away from me and my stuff, things will be just fine. Also during the summer, there has been a young kid hanging at the kids swim area that is next to the ramp. He has good taste cause he fell in love with the beat up old Mate right off and runs over to help put her in and take her out. His Dad lives near the lake and has custody of the little guy on the weekends. I call him The Kid. The Kid loves helpin out with the Mate. He likes gettin in the cooler for refreshment too. He dont like goin too fast in the boat though. He launches in to a speach whenever somebody asks about the Mate, like it's his. Goes kind a like this: Other Person says," That's a nice boat ya got there young man. What kind of boat is that?" Kid says," What ya got here is yer Chessmate Playmaid Centerfold. S'all handmade fibeinglass. Merky-rie motor, big as me, in the back. Less that a hunnert was ever made. She's fast. I've drove it by mysef." As a side note, we got to work on the Centerfold part, cause while the guys present smile, the ladies always shoot a sideways look when The Kid says Centerfold. Anyway, not too long ago, at the boat ramp, the boat has been put in the water with help from The Kid. Truck is being parked when all of a sudden, The Kid is pullin at the pantsleg with one hand and pointin with the other toward the dock. Tears is streaming down his cheeks. The HG has violated our mutual agreement and is rumaging around the interior of the craft. People on the dock are all lookin our way. Most of them look kind a scared, some of em are wearin smirks.....
 
Now as I was strollin toward the dock, I was lookin around to make sure Mrs. Jim was not gonna turn up watchin, cause she has kinda forbid ungentlemanly conduct. As luck would have it, I had got a park space right in front, and didn't have too far to sprint, I mean , Walk. The HG was so busy inventoryin the vessels contents that he didn't take no notice of my arrival and his forthcoming demise. Adrenaline was just starting to flow.The information center in my brain was heatin up too. The Russian mobster guy that fishes with his Swimsuit Illustrated wife was coming from two docks over, carryin a fishin club of the kind that you conk the big keepers with. His wife was already on scene tellin me that the HG, " Hard push boy on ground". She crosses her arms and watches expectantly. The Kid anounces to most of the Park, and possibly half the county, that " You blankin blank of a blankety blank blanky blinkin blonkin blank blank, yer gonna get it now!" I have never heard words such as these from such a tender aged youth. As them words was hangin in the air all blue and cold, people started backin up and jaws dropped open. I could tell that the HG understood the language,{ probably what he speaks on his home planet} cause he wheeled around to face us. As time began to slow down, the legal department of the information center in my brain put forth a memo about me keepin my hands to myself on account of the number of witnesses present. I was havin trouble keepin my hands from checkin the HG's pulse at his neck. The hands was sayin that since the HG was violatin the agreement that he stay away from my stuff, that he must be havin an attack of some sort, and might need some medical attention and what better way to start than by checkin some heartrate and respiration? I asked the HG if he needed help gettin out of the boat. When I turned to toss the truck keys to the Kid so he could go get some refreshing drinks from the cooler and not see or hear what might happen next, the HG, who had just spouted off with something to the effect of Blank you, jumped up on the dock and, doing his best impression of a prizefighter, he tags me with a right to the left eye, sending my sunglasses bouncing across the dock. The Russians wife holds her hands out palms up and nods toward the HG. The Russian guy, with obviously much more experience at such situations, takes stock of the situation, and quicker than a flash leans over and says " Throw him in water". Now the HG is thinkin that I'm gonna slink away. While the legal department is taking the call from the left cheek about the ramifications of the HG throwin the first blow, the right hand has moved into action and grabbed the HG where his legs come together. The left hand has grabbed the neck of the HG, and the rest of the body, not to be outdone by the hands, has lifted the HG overhead. That big Russian guy seems like the type of person that you should respect. When he said to throw em in the lake, it seemed like a natural thing to do, and when I thought about it later, it felt kind of good. With all of the extra adrenalin raging around, and with the HG bein scared stiff all sudden like, I chucked him clean over the boat like a javelin thrower at a track meet. It was all quiet after the splash and before the HG clawed his way to the surface, The Kid blurts out " OH SNAP " which started laughter to flow. The Russian smiles and tells his wife " We get out on lake now, Police comming". She picks up the HG's backpack and guitar and expertly throws them at the HG, and calls him some Russian names of some type, and then spits in his direction. I think that summed it up just right. What I did next is what got me into a little trouble......
 
The HG's protective crust, which at first was impervious to water, caused him to pop up smartly right on the starboard side of the Mate. He immediatly started callin for help. It's a good thing that time was still goin slow so I could just make out the blur that was his hands clawin at the water. Seein as how he was makin way toward the closest thing to him that just happened to be the Mate, and I didn't want him touchin it no more, I grabbed up an oar and pushed him away while resistin a terrible urge to whack him up side the head with said oar. I noticed right away that all them clothes was goin ta be a problem once some of the protective crust became diluted by the lake water. I remember my high school chemistry teacher tellin me once that water is one of natures best solvents, and right here in front of me was an experiment that could shed some light on the theory. I chose to share this with everybody present and they smiled with appreciation at bein included in such a important test of a theory. The HG was settleing lower in the water{ maybe cause his bilge plug was loose or maybe missing entirely}. I'm thinkin it had something to do with all of the clothing. Who wears all of that stuff on a hot day anyway? The HG grabbed up the guitar and started rowing frantically. Now instead of yelling at him, I was useing a calm voice, and offering some suggestions on how he might be able to reach dry land. We all came to the conclusion that the chemistry teach was right cause all of the movement commin off of the HG was causin water to penetrate the protective crust and therefore contributin to a general loss of bouyancy, which was causin the HG to settle lower and lower in the water. He's a stubburn blanken blankerd cause he didn't listen to even one of my suggestions. If he'd just switched hands while rowing with the guitar, I think he could a got closer to the waters edge before it closed over his head. Rowin with one hand just gets ya goin in a circle. Looked kind a funny, and I pointed this out to everybody else too. I wasnt to excited cause the water aint that deep, and when he hit the bottom with his feet, he could walk right out if he wanted to....
 
Thing is, that from our prospective, you could see the whole show, even what was goin on after the water closed over HG's head. The guitar came apart about the time the HG touched down on the bottom. I was offerin helpful suggestions the whole time and even pointin toward the shore, but HG bein a stubburn cus, wasn't payin no attention, although probably most of any attention that he may posses was keanly searchin for air at that point. Unfortunatly for me , at first, the lifeguard gal from the kids swim area heard the calls for help, and beleiving the lies that the HG was perpetrating about not knowing how to swim, had come to his rescue. She must have real great hearing cause she sits about a hundred yards away from the closest dock. Must have been blessed with likewise eyesight too cause she told the cops later that I was holding the HG away from the boat with something. It was my position that from way over where she was sittin, she couldn't possibly have seen thru all them people and boats, and there was people who was standin right at the scene who didn't see nothin. Well, she dives in and does a pretty good immitation of a rescue and gets the HG over to the concrete bulkhead where she can't generate enough strength to lift up the sputtering HG. I quick offer up a hand, seein as no one else seems interested in helpin out the HG, although a couple a the young guys are interested in helpin out the lifegaurd gal now that she is all wet from the rescue. As I lifted the HG from the water, I could tell that part of the reason he foundered was on account of his bilge plug had indeed come loose and had soiled up his slacks even more than they was. Another reason for the sinking was all of the stuff HG was carryin in all of those pockets of his. I pointed this out to the occifers while they was tryin to unsuccessfully get me to admit to something. Turned out that there was some stuff right there that belonged to other people. Stuff like wallets, ID cards, bank cards, checkbooks, cellphones, and the like. I was able to retrieve this cool little tool bag that has my name on it and pointed this out also to the PO PO. After checkin out all of them different names with somebody on the other end of thier radios, the Police started to not like the HG too, although not enough to not give him a ride out of the park in thier patrol car....
 
Atleast a lot of people are going to recover some of their belongings. Hopefully he's too scared to tell what happened after he ended up in the water.:poke:It could get you in a little trouble.
 
Hey Big Dave, You're right on the money. I dont want to spoil the story too much, but the HG , and his attorney, started sayin stuff about personal injury. Can you imagine the unmitigated gall?
 
I wouldn't worry much, his attourney has to be court appointed seeing as he couldn't afford one on his own. Those court appointed guys aren't that great so you should be just fine.
 
Right about here is where the interestin development parts came up.Lucky for me that the Hydrostream Guy{ an HG of a different color} took a picture of the Kidds skinned up knees where the HG pushed him down. I got one of my red and purple eye. Several folks at the scene at the time were more than happy to give a statement about what they seen and put thier signatures on it. A lot of folks dont like the HG too much, like me, and seen him assualt a little kid, steal some stuff from a rather attractive vessel and then assualt the vessels owner by hittin him in the face while he was wearin glasses and then attempt to flee by jumpin in the water. Even the lifegaurd gal realized, after talkin to the Russian Guys Swimsuit Illustrated wife, that I was offerin up the oar to help the HG. The Russian Guy, or RG as I been callin him, has turned out to be a pretty good guy. I think maybe he used to be in the information gathering business cause he came up with all kinds of helpfull stuff. When I went to his house to get a deposition from him, he playfully told me that " If still in old country, I keel him" when I told him what the HG was up to. " I thank for you coming me with problem. Happy to help with, I am" he says." In future, if I request favour, you will help with, yes?" he says. I tell em that I'll help em out and to just give me a call if he needs something. He gives me a big bear hug and says "Good, now we drink wadka!" I even went so far as mixin up some different drinks that everybody really liked. One of the RG's Managers found out that the HG has been a bad guy in the past too. No big surprise there. The big surprise is that the HG is a black sheep from a family that has some money. The family is concerned about keepin the HG out of the prison system for some reason. In that the HG actually gets an allowance and a place to live, provided by his family, it's startin to look really good for everybody that got stuff stolen from them to get some compensation from the HG. I'm thinkin that the HG is gonna spend some time in the clink cause he signed for some checks that dont belong to him. I do know that his attorney offered up a settlement real fast after seein all the depositions and stuff. The real interestin development is the fact that the RG has his own private boat launch right at his house.....
 
Did I read it right, you owe a Russian Mobster a Fav.

I'm wondering what kind of favor RG is going to ask you for?

I hope everything works out for you. You seem to have 3X the adventure and excitement in your life of anyone I know.
 
Hey Kars, But I get to use his private boat ramp and not have to deal with the excitement of the public one. His wife said to pay no attention cause the RG and his brother been watchin reruns of The Godfather on TV. Hey big Dave, The RG looks kind of like the Colonel Troutman character in the Rambo movie, only younger. He dresses quite nicely, and never has even a hair out of place. Wears big fancy sunglasses alot. Although he dresses immpecably and reeks of confidence, he is real good at blending in to the background. His brother is a little lean and taller and seems on the edge of nervousness most of the time. Spends a lot of time stayin within arms reach of his older brother, The RG. The younger brother of the HUGE Russian guy from the Rocky movie also works for the RG. He helps out the RG's Swimsuit Illustrated Wife{RGSIW} with her busy schedual by driven her around in RG's Jeep. When She's home cookin and cleanin, he likes to hang out with RG. He doesn't speak much, but motions with his hands. Most of his sentences consist of one word.
 
I had another concern, If I was you I'd try to ensure that RGSIW did not take too much notice of you. Maybe Burp or Fart in front of her or something. Last thing you need is for her to make eyes at you when someone is watching.
 
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