Sharkbait's at it again

[Jimway]

Fast Eddie got a chuckle out of the nylon rope thing. Says I need more pitch on the impellor and that he's worried about the compression being too high but says that he had no idea the thing would run out like it did. My chest was out to hear with the compliment. I think maybe there's a new impeller bein ground out. Got a visit from the Test Pilots husband, BIG guy, was holdin a handful of stinky nylon rope. Scowl on his face, hands clenched in a fist. Accused me of some late night shenanigans by leavin that rope right under the bedroom window and stinkin up the whole house. Occured to me while I was lookin up at him standin there in the doorway that maybe an apology might go over and a ways to try and keep peace with the neighbors, also might keep some of my hide from gettin scraped up too. Right here is where my buddy Bob Kitty looked up from his resting spot on the back of the couch and said " Show em the pictures ". He give his slashin paw a lick and fell fast asleep again. So I matter of factly asked man mountain if he didn't suppose that his wifes puppy dog might have drug it home after I cut it out from under the Mate? So I pulled out these pictures of the dog leavin some rather dissagreeable offerings in the front yard and real quick apolagized for leavin that rope where the dog could get at it. Cat give me the idea of settin up the game cameras to snap some pics of whatever was using the yard for a toilet, his idea worked like a charm. Knew them pictures was gonna be a ace up my sleeve. Next thing I know, the neighbor is sayin sorry about that and that he had no idea. I was real gratious and even wished him a good day, he even took the rope back home with him....

 

[Jimway]

Now that Fast Eddie has got this place on the airstrip, it is much closer to my place, about 1/2 as far as the Skunkworks. Picked up a three bladed impellor with more pitch, and my heart skipped a coupla beats when Fast Eddie pulled out this four bladed model for us to try out. Now I seen this other aircraft that Fast Eddie has been boasting up and its close to a test flight. Now when Fast Eddie was tellin me of the possible performance capabilities of this craft, I was thinkin that he was pullin my leg some but now after lookin at it and discussin it out some, I'm startin to get the picture. Looks a lot like the red, white and blue plane, but has this turbine engine that spins a four bladed prop that apparently can be reversed in flight to slow ya down. My stomach is floatin kind a uneasy just thinkin about that. Motor is makin well over 700HP and with that four bladed prop can produce more lift than what the plane weighs which makes me think that you might be able to hang in mid air with it. I'll be content to watch from the ground, I'm just sayin. As far as the upcoming rematch, funds has already been deposited with a trusted third party. Near as I can tell, the Shark and most of the town is proud of the fact that the Shark got away with not payin up first time. Aint gonna happen twice though. I took Keith's advice and made sure that the money is in a safe place to start. After some communication with the Yamaha parts guy, it sounds like Shark and the Cadaver have done some improvements, but not enough, in my opinion. I've been studyin the competition and have duly noted some weaknesses in thier buildup, and after talkin to the owner of a similiar vessel, I got a pretty good idea of which direction they should be proceeding. I dont think they have a lot of two cycle engine experience and are approaching the build with a four cycle frame of mind. If the Shark and the Cadaver is sneaking around this forum, then this is the only hint you are gonna get from me. As far as the Mate goes, we are playin with some different pitch impellors but she is runnin tip top. Got a lot of seat time in her now and can hang over the ragged edge a ways if necessary. Like the last time me and the Shark met up, I'm not going up to sit and watch the band play, I'm goin up there to dance.....

 

[Jimway]

Have come up with a suitable impellor. We went backwards a little on top speed with the four blade impellor but it offers fantastic, impressive jump out of the water on the holeshot with great acceleration and I think it would be good for watersports. Fast Eddie is impressed with my buildup of the craft and says that he hasn't figured out how come it goes so fast. Says his calculations show expected speeds lower than what we are experiencing, Kind of makes my day, and has elevated my stature with Fast Eddie and the staff at the Skunkworks. My chest is stickin way out front as you might imagine. I'm kind of wore out with all of the work on the Mate. You got to go through a lot of stuff and handle parts very carefully to change an impellor. And if you are not careful, you can be messing with six jets per carb. On top of that, we can burn up 12 to 15 gallons of the good stuff real quick. Vessel running the best and fastest yet, a serious water toy that demands full attention at upper speeds.{ BIG smile right here } Lookin forward to a little " quick step " with the Sharkwho'svesselisheavierandhasmorehullinthewaterandeventhoughithastwo motorsIMHOitcanthangwiththeMatebutweareallgonnaknowprettyquick......

 

[Jimway]

Old Jimway is tryin to post a picture so I can show ya some of the stuff that's been goin on. Now if the picture comes through, you kind of have to picture old Shark way back there behind the Mate,cause thats where I think he is going to end up real fast. Also for some of you thats good at guessin, what kind of forward velocity do ya think the Mate is sportin in the picture. Now if the picture dont show up, I'm sorry, and I'll keep tryin....

 

[keith4216]

I got ya Jim! Go mix another.

 

[Jimway]

So, there has been this little shin dig up at the resevoir.It was a afternoon affair. The sky was blue. There were some powder puff clouds slowly movin across the heavens. Sun was warm, but you can tell that it is now fall, you can feel the chill in the air. Some of the leaves are turning them beautiful fall colors. Nice spot for a little matchup. Practically no one around, water smooth, just a fall breeze rufflin the surface and dancin along down the way there pickin up a leaf or two while its at it. We got this big dormant volcanoe that is covered with snow lookin down on the resevoir. Sticks up about 14000 feet or so. Its called Mount Rainier. Real purty ta look at. So I been up there for a bit cause a certain coupla guys is late to the start. Already been out on warmup and checkin out the course and made some laps. The ole 2.5 Merc motor just howls when you pin the throttle cause I think its enjoying the cool, clean air just like me. The water is downright cold. Its right out of the glaciers on the mountain and kind of a turqoise color. I'm back at the dock for a splash a fuel. I see the Sharkmobile turnin off the highway and immediatly figure that today might be better than last time cause the Shark has missed the turn completely and just drives down the hillside into the parking lot. Took out the turn sign too. He comes roaring across the lot and skids to a stop with the front of the truck about three feet from the water. Him and the Cadaver have already attended happy hour, I can tell by the way they are shuffelin along back to the boat and smilin and giggleing to themselves. Now they both got my attention cause the boat and truck is sittin in the launch ramp backwards and they are startin to undue the nylon webbing and rope and bailing wire that is holdin the vessel on the trailer. Transom straps must be real expensive cause most people use a bunch of other creative stuff to secure the back of the boat, I'm just sayin. I'm thinkin that they are about to deposit the boat into the parking lot! They are standin a ways behind the boat and swayin gently with the breeze. The Shark slurs to the Cadaver that he maybe better back up a piece on account of the tide bein low this morning. I'm smiling right here cause the Cadaver has shuffled a ways out into the parking lot lookin for water.....

 

[karzrus]

Can't wait for the rest

The Shark slurs to the Cadaver that he maybe better back up a piece on account of the tide bein low this morning. I'm smiling right here cause the Cadaver has shuffled a ways out into the parking lot lookin for water.....

killing myself laughing.

 

[Jimway]

While the Shark and the Cadaver are havin this Grumpy Old Men conversation out behind the boat in the middle of the parking lot,I'm noticein some things about Shark's Yamaha Exciter. For one thing, it's clean, inside and out, looks like its been waxed too. All of the stuff like fishin poles and tackle boxes and tools and material is gone. The bimini top has been took off too. In place of the wires that was hangin out of holes in the dash is a coupla of ignition switches, and low and behold, there are now choke handles instead of little channel lock pliers, stickin out. There is even gauges now in the dash. The vessel is pretty cool lookin sittin there on its trailer. Trailer is in fair shape too, except where the trip down the hillside must have tore the bunk on the portside loose,cause the angle bracket that the bunk was bolted to is about to punch a hole in the hull. I'm thinkin that maybe I better point this out before things go bad. Anyway, the vessel is open inside, what I call a bathtub boat. It seats three across where the driver sits and two more seats up front. Driver sits on the starboard side with a kind of faired in pedestal that has gauges and switches and a steering wheel and even a small plastic windscreen for the driver. Behind the seating area the deck steps up to the engine cover which is the purple part and then steps back down to a built in swimstep affair at the stern. On the starboard gunnel next to the driver is the gear shifter and a couple a throttles. Just below them throttles down on the outside of the hull is these two small exit ports for the engine water tell-tale streams. On the side of the hull is this checkerboard design and the words Yamaha Exciter, and 220 Horspower emblazoned in big letters. Right about here the two Pirates has finally made thier way down around to the front of the Ford and found the water. The Shark is tellin the Cadaver that he parked the truck all wrong, while the Cadaver is tellin the Shark that he was ridin shotgun and didn't notice who parked the truck, but maybe they can get someone to get it pointed in a favourable di-rection. Now I might mention that there was a bunch of extra adjectives in the exchange that I figure we wont put down in print right here. Vessel is about 17 feet long and maybe 7 feet wide, hull is smooth on the bottom with no strakes. Pretty flat V bottom with a coupla small intake holes for the jet pumps at the stern. It has two, three cylinder two cycle engines in there, each one runnin its own pump through a short drive shaft....

 

[Jimway]

Yamaha took them motors right out of thier line of sit down jet skis and threw em in a boat. This has caused some interestin character flaws to come to the surface. Some of these flaws has a direct impact on performance. In a jetski, the fuel system is closed or maybe I should say not vented, which allows the tank to pressurize, which helps get fuel to the carbs. Fuel system in a boat is vented, so no tank pressure to help get fuel to the carbs. Fuel line to port motor is longer, so right here is another small problem. I found out that if you run the vessel with the fuel tank below about 1/2 full and start makin left hand turns, then the motors start gettin airated fuel to drink which them motors dont like. Fuel with air bubbles in it runnin into a motor turnin over 6000 rpm makes for some real hot temperatures on top of them pistons thats in there. This is one of the reasons old you know who has picked out a course with left hand turns, kind of like Nascar. Because of the way the impellors spin down underneath the hull, the port side motor runs with less of a load than the starboard side because of how the water hits an impellor depending on which way the impellor is turning. Been able to use this little nugget of information on the Mate to help get more water into the pump, I'm just sayin. Now in a left turn, the port motor looses some water ram effect because of this interesting characteristic that old Jim has been researchin. Now I might have forgot to mention that the Mate dont suffer from any of these fuel robbing issues. She aint no big girl niether, weighs in at around 900 lbs compared to the Sharks opera singin 1800 lbs. And while were on the subject, the Mate has way less hull in contact with the water at speed, the less contact you got with the water, the faster you can go. Anyways, you can tell old Jim has been workin hard at the research part, and I'm feelin pretty good about the matchup that is about to commence. Right about here I walk back to the front of the Ford that is facing the water and find the Shark and the Cadaver sittin on each side of the bumper havin a smoke and staring off across the water...

 

[Jimway]

So I tell the Shark that the bunk is come loose on the trailer. With one motion, the Cadaver reaches up with his hand and pulls them Lucky Strikes out of his shirt sleeve, flicks one up out of the pack 1/2 way, and offers it toward me. I decline with a thanks, and tell em I dont smoke. Cadaver shrugs his shoulders and shuffles toward the trailer, followed by the Shark. We finally make it back there on account of them guys movin kind of slow. Cadaver falls on the pavement and says " She's loose all right ". He crawls on all fours toward the truck mumblin about a jack and a piece of wood. Shark gets a piece of canvas from the truck and throws it down by the corner of the trailer and motions to me that it will soften up the job a bit. I'm wonderin who voted me to be trailer repair guy? Being a good sport, I grab a screwgun and some screws from my truck and crawl down there under the trailer to take a look. Cadaver brings a jack and wood and in no time I jack up the boat carefully and the bunk jumps back into position and I secure the bunk with a coupla screws and fender washers. Shark is now layin on his side in the parking lot with one arm holdin up his head, just a smiling. Right here is where the Shark jumps up, and pushes me back hard with both hands. The Cadaver is rollin up his shirt sleeves and the Shark is settin his smokes and lighter and drinkin flask up on the swimstep of the Yamaha. Now I been here once or maybe twice in my life and I can tell that we is about ta scrap right there in the lot. Ole Shark says " Now thet I got you're tention, what's with the smarta** nicknames you been callin us? I'm thinkin real fast that someone's been talkin. So as I take a few steps back and start takin my flannel shirt off and squeezin my right fist with my left hand, I tell them that I usually give people I like a nickname, kind of like a badge of honor, and that's all there is to that. While I'm tellin the Shark the story about first seein him in the boat called Sharkbait, the Cadaver starts unrollin his sleeves and puts his smokes and lighter back into his shirt. When I get done with the story, the Shark says " I kind a like like thet ", and sticks out his hand for a shake and heads toward the truck. The Cadaver steps up and says " My friends call me Ace " ....

 

[Jimway]

The Cadaver is a man of few words, and even less balance at the moment cause he is swayin around a lot. Kind of starts at his ankles, and works all the way up until his arms is outstreached grabbin at thin air as he goes over backward and hits the ground. I'm worried about him hittin his head on the ground or whatever else he is fallin on. Looks like he is tryin to make headway against a 200 MPH wind. Finally does this spin, somersault, backflip thing worthy of a olympic gymnast and goes down for good right on the dock. As he is layin there, he raises his head toward me and with one eye part way open says " Bushel basket ". Still dont know what to make of that one. Head drops back down and then flops over sideways and he is down for the 10 count and then some. The Shark has taken to the old Ford and is doing a pretty good imitation of a three car pileup while he is backing up out of the boat ramp. He pulls off this high speed fishtail of the boat followed by a reverse u-turn 360 into the ramp with the boat facing more or less the right way this time. I think I would have run or jumped or maybe even screamed some if I hadn't been rooted to the spot with a combination of morbid curiousity and outright fear. Now I'm noticing some blue 5 gallon containers in the back of the truck that say VP Fuel on em, and thinkin that the Yamaha parts guy is a pretty good salesmen cause the Shark also has a Yamaha wife beater shirt with matching cap and ski vest that all say Yamaha on em in purple, just like the boat. I can tell that the Shark is keeping the effects of a LOT of alcohol at bay by keeping both feet in contact with the ground, that's why he is shuffling and holdin on to something at all times. He seems to be doin a lot of talkin to himself too. I'm just not too sure how he can see with his eyes all closed up, but he seems to be gettin around ok....

 

[Jimway]

So I made up this little drawing of the planned race course and show it to the Shark. " What's this hyar little x spot? " asks the Shark. " Thats you. " I tell em. Then I make some little dashes going out into the lake and then make a little picture of a small tornado. " What's thet supposed ta be? " asks the Shark. " That's where the motors went South last time. " I say while cracking up into a pretty good laugh. " Ya don't need ta trouble yaself bout none a thet on this here trip, boy, all you is gonna see is spray. " He lets one of them laughs out. " Now whare's that pretty little pink boat a yers located on this hyar cartographical instermint? " asks the Shark. " I'm already clean off the map in front of ya and still acceleratin. " I blurt out inbetween the he he's and heh heh's. " We'll see bout thet right quick. " says the Shark. So I help him deposit the Exciter in the water and we talk a little about some safety issues in case somethin goes bad which happens around the Shark with regularity, I must say. So, this is it. Were gonna do some warmup and then we're gonna cut loose. There's gonna be a winner, and there's gonna be a loser. There's gonna be a payday and braggin rights available to the victor. Loser is gonna have ta put that tail that has been stickin way up, and get it down and slink on home for a spell. I got ta tell ya that it was real impressive when the ole Shark fired them two motors off one at a time, and slowly started out of this little cove we was in. Vessel sounded real healthy this time and I don't smell no alcohol commin out the back this time niether. Shark is takin his time warmin up this time. As I'm pullin away from the dock I'm kinda shocked to get a quick glimpse of a lot of the Checkmate Guys on the Forum here standin at the dock and givin me the Look and shakin their fingers and puttin thier hands on thier hips and scowlin and sayin " Don't screw this up. " I think I seen a coupla a one finger salutes from the back but I might be mistakin, I'm just sayin. The vision only lasted a moment, then it was gone. There's some Checkmate Respect at stake here! The Shark looks pretty dapper in his kahki shorts and matchin shirt, vest, cap, glasses, and sandels....

 

[Jimway]

Angry Water

Now I'm guessin that some of you has seen or maybe even been in the clutches of angry water, I'm just sayin, cause I seen angry water a few times in my boatin experiences and we has become pretty well acquainted over the years. While we was racin around the lake, the other day, little did we know about what was gonna rear up and show its vengefull self. Beautiful afternoon, sunny/cloudy, light breeze. Were out on warmup, and the vessels is runnin great. We run up the lake a piece with some increasing speeds and things is lookin good for a real fast matchup. We come back down the lake and come off plane with them motors burblin down to idle so as we can go at it from a stop. In my mind its like two aged great world renowned drivers about to match years of championship experience in a final knock down drag out fight. They're drivin thouroughbred retired racers that still recieve oo's and aa's from the crowd of onlookers. Theres paparattzi cameras flashin and theres this blonde 500 dollar bill gal in a swimsuit paradin around. Now when you drop the loud handle on the Mate, it jumps forward about three lengths and comes clean out of the water for a couple of small skips and then settles down ever so lightly on the surface of the water and proceeds to become ever so smaller as it dissappears in the distance. The Sharkbaitboat is kind of a bigger heavier vessel so it dont take off quite as fast but it does go pretty good, and old Shark is givin it quite a go, and you could hear them two motors howlin like wolves, and could tell that there werent no more speed gonna come out of the Yamaha unless there was some rocket assist in there somewhere. The Sharkjocky looked real impressive as he kind of was pushing out on the steering wheel like it was the mane of a fast horse at a full gallop.Now you know that this race is gonna maybe become legend around here, so I'm gonna try to explain what happened next. As the Shark was really pickin em up and puttin em down, he ran right directly across a small patch of angry water. I knew somethin was up cause it was suddenly a real smooth patch of water. Seein as how the 500 bill gal was singing " Baby I'm Yours " toward me, I missed the start of the whole thing. Right after the baby i'm yours part, the needle on the record skipped off the edge with a grinding sound and As I looked at the Shark back there, the angry water reared way up in the sky and was lookin at me too. My blood ran cold as ice as I pointed at the Shark as the one that had actually ran across the smooth spot. This was all the angry water needed, and it fell on the Shark with vengence. Since none of it fell on me, I was feelin some quick relief, but worried about Shark just the same and turned back while grabbin a whole lot of throttle. As I got closer I could see the look of doom on the face of about three Sharks as he was kind of vibrating around inside the boat as it turned this way and that and as it finally ground to a halt, his cap was still floatin in mid air but he was on the floor of the vessel doin the breaststroke like he was Johnny Wiesmuller or something. Right before them motors went silent, they was squeelin like a dog that's been sprayed by the South end of a Skunk goin North, I'm just sayin. So as I pull up, the Shark bites off the top of his drinkin flask and starts bailing like a madman, and I can tell he is all caught up in the emergency still. Hangin in the air kind of thick like was this funny smell that I later figured out to be burnt up sandel soles from the Sharks feet. Them sandels generated a bunch of heat while the Shark was beein shook around by the angry water. Heat from friction turned them sandel soles inta smoke and that's all there is to that. Right here I found out somethin else about the Sharks boat. Some engineer type had saw fit to put these cleanout ports for the jet pumps on the back of them exciters. Apparently they fly out of where they is stuck every once in a while and when they do, this guyser of water shoots up and fills the boat up pretty good with water, shuts off the motors too when the hatch gets blown open, pretty cool to actually see in person, I must say. The angry water swallowed up the parts that flew out so I towed the Shark back in, like a Good Checkmate Performance Boater should. Shark was silent with bulging eyes and a quiver kept goin back and forth slowly across his lower lip. Kind a looked like the Cadaver sittin there. When we got to the dock, Shark says" Dddnnnffffbbbbssssbbbdddd." Which I thought about for a minute before it dawned on me that it stood for DNFBSBD. Did Not Finish Because Shark Broke Down. Guess we know who won this round. I wonder what them plastic parts that got blown overboard cost?....

 

[Jimway]

Well, well, well, it's a good thing that the matchup money was in the hands of a trusted third party. Shark tried to plead foul on account of the parts flying off of his boat. I had to request a ruling from the trusted third party and his hand picked officials[ also known as the Rat Pack ].Ruled in my favor after my testimony left em in stitches. Funds was dispersed immediatly. I would like to offer up a THANK YOU to everyone who enjoyed the story, and another Thanks to Keith for tellin me to make sure the money was up front before the race. Fast Eddie cobbled up a sign with the waterjet cutting machine that says" Shark bit by Angry Water " and has the date underneath. I hope his sense of humour comes back before we give it to him.

 

[keith4216]

GREAT story Jim,
You have a talent with your writing. Can't wait to hear whats next!
I look forward to reading your posts. Always a good laugh.

 

[RNGRDVE]

Definitely an entertaining way to start my morning at work. Thanks Jimway.

 

[Jimway]

Things that make you go hmmm...

Been thinkin about them cleanout ports on the back of the Sharks boat. Got a pretty good look at them when I loaded up the vessel. I guess thier in there for access to cleaning the pumps. The part I'm havin trouble with is they are held down by a piece of pipe with a rod that goes thru a hole drilled in the end of the pipe. Two little plastic keepers that swivel sideways is the only things that keep this stuff, the plastic plug, the pipe, and the rod, from flying out. When the parts come flying out of the holes that they were in, they blow the hatch on the swimstep open which shuts the ignition to both motors off, not to mention the part about the parts going right over the side and the plastic plug doesn't float. The plugs are subject to full pump chamber pressure so that when they come out, a bunch of water comes out untill the motor spools to a stop. I've had the luxury of witnising this in person. Yamaha parts guy says that they make a kit that has a rope attached to a orange plastic float that attaches to the plug, pipe, and rod, so you can recover them from the water after they fly out and shut down the vessel. He also tells me not to travel more than idle speed with one motor shutdown because water will backflow into the shutdown motor through the exhaust system. Guess them parts cost 150 bucks per side. Hmmm....

 

[Jimway]

Been back to Sharkville recently. Sharkman stopped by the jobsite. We had a talk over some pizza at lunch time. Seems he was pretty upset about me havin someone he didn't know commin around lookin at stuff. I told em I was sorry, and should have consulted with him before Fast Eddie showed up in his fancy car, and fancy clothes. Every time I appologized, it seemed to brighten old Shark's mood a little. In fact, right before the Shark started tellin me about this small electrical problem he is currently stumped by, he remarked that he was " Sure glad yer I'm Sorry aint broke". I've learnt that bringin strangers around unannounced is a serious violation of the Rules of Sharkdom. We ended up stoppin by Shark's Mom's house to look at the electrical dillema. Now I noticed right away that there was a new constructed wood shed built between the barn and the house. Wasn't no need to remove the electrical panel cover in the barn cause it probably dissappeared decades previously, might even be part of the Streamliner now. A quick check of the power commin into the barn showed some rather interesting voltage disscrepencies present. Now I had seen some strange voltage issues in some similar places in the past,and was immediatly interested in the new wood shed cause I figured that when Shark and Ace dug the holes for the 4 by 4 posts that is holdin up the roof of the woodshed, that they probably severed some of the wires at the bottom of one of them holes, and this was the culprit of the electrical issues. Looked to me like the wiring for the barn runs underground from the farmhouse to the barn and passed right under where the new woodshed is now residing. When I shared my suspicions with the Sharkshedbuilder, his face brightened and he mentioned having a backhoe down in one of the tractor sheds, and he'd be right back...

 

[RNGRDVE]

 

[RNGRDVE]