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Sharkbait's at it again

OK, so here we are out on the water, the Shark and me. As the Mates bow points toward the sky and then she comes on plane ole Shark is starin like its a runway model climbin out of the pool. Now I'm gettin situated in the seat and rehooking the safety lanyard and turnin my cap around backward and puttin the sunglasses on cause the sun is startin to peek over the hills. The Shark is laughin that laugh of his and slows down and asks what the little red rope is and commenting that he don't think that it is gonna keep me from flying out. So I dryly tell em that the lanyard will shut off the boat if it blows over at speed and I get thrown out. I'm noteing that Sharkaccident aint wearin no personal floatation device or the safety lanyard neither. So were off on a warmup lap with Sharkhammer just up front of the Mate. Now I'm lookin at the Yamaha and likin how its cruisin along. The vessel has these twin motors that each have a throttle that is right next to the other. Now I'm listening to the motors and I'm thinkin that they are bogging real bad in the midrange, especially the port side. Next thing I notice is that ole Shark has the throttle pretty much forward and were movin out pretty considerably. The Shark looks back over his shoulder and I can tell by the way his forehead is all wrinkled up and by some lipreading that I do that he is real surprised to see the Mate matching stride with the Yami. Now just about right here I'm smellin some hot pistons and rings and maybe a connecting rod bearing or two. Definitly don't smell like Merc parts goin up in smoke to me so I'm feelin pretty good. I'm figurin that the Sharkfin might be sandbaggin a little so I up the anti to about 5500 rpm and let the Mate dance that seductive little dance that she is known for. Now as I'm pullin past , I can hear the Sharks vessel go off song. I look back and can see smoke and heat waves commin up and the Shark is slowin down. When I get back he's got the port side shut down and it don't smell too good. By the time we get back to the dock area the starboard motor sounds like it might have a faint knock up in there too, I'm just sayin. Well needless to say the Sharkman is lookin pretty dejected an all. I'm feelin like maybe 500 bucks. We get the Yamaha back on its trailer and tied back on with rope and tie down straps and some bailin wire. Shark is standin at the end of the dock by the Mate with his hands thrust way down into his jeans. Since the Cadaver is still out of action in the Ford, I offer up a ride to the Shark, "Really"? he says. So I grab a ski vest out of the truck and he puts it on. We slowly idle out of this little cove where we launched. So I begin to put on a show highlighting the performance capabilities of the old Mate. He dang near bangs his head on the engine hatch during the holeshot. I grab him by the back strap of his vest during a spin to keep him from flying overboard, and for the piece de resistance, I take off my backward cap and tell him to hang on while we make a speed run back to the dock. Now we get back there pretty quick and I start tellin him that she'll be even faster with just him at the wheel and to keep an eye on her when she starts dancin back and forth and to not over rev the motor. To my surprise, he don't want to try it out alone. I can tell he is real impressed by the ride but at the same time not to happy about the outcome of the morning. I thank him for the sport that we been havin and tell em that I hope that in the future we can maybe get together and have a little more competition. Shark looks longingly at the Mate and says " That's a real beautiful boat ya got there, and iffin ya ever get the notion to sell her, well I'd preciate a chance at er". I tell em " You got it buddy " and he shuffles past the Cadaver and asks em if he is OK back there. The Cadaver says to the Sharkmiester " Slow down a might will ya, Are we there yet "?...
 
Nice win, I think?

Seems a little anti-climatic, I feel a little bad for old Sharkbait now. Do you think he tried to spice things up by adding some "Lightning juice" to the fuel and when "The Ace" tried the same thing with out telling him, they overdid it?
 
Hey Kars, You know, I been thinkin about the White Lightnin idea myself cause before the bad smell started comin out it smelled pretty good, kind o like nitro-methane and a coupla other things, I'm just sayin. I feel kind a bad for the Sharkbroke too, was expectin more of an adventure based on previous experience with em. Been real quiet so far. Lookin forward to seein, holdin, and smellin a combination of greenbacks totalin right at 500 dineros....
 
Jim- Keep the narrative flowing. This is where stories and books come from. You have a fine way of weaving tale and local flavor. Look at the McGuane (Panama) stuff.
Don't just do it for us.
Create a keeper. I'd be the first to buy it on Amazon and say "I knew him when".
 
Well, well,well, there is a possibility that a certain someone is trying ta crawfish on a small wager that was cast after a certain somebody claimed that thier vessel was faster than lightnin and old Jimmyboys pink boat was pretty feminine. Now to be fair, I haven't spoke to a certain somebody yet but the rumours are rampant and blazin like wildfire. Basically boils down to there aint no moolah owed on account of there weren't no race cause the certain someones vessel came apart after only a coupla miles. Now I would like to report my position on the situation. I spoke with a few others on the subject too. The cat is just plain ticked off. His opinion is pretty much in line with Captain Morgan. They're sayin stuff like " Take what ya can, leave nothin "," Standby to board em ", and " Let em eat lead ". Kind a speaks for itself, I think. Jack Danials and Jim Beam are basicly sayin that I need to apply an a** whuppin to who ever is responsible without talkin or nothin, just commence to scrappin. Old Grandad feels that haste in the situation might lead to hurt feelins and a spell in the local clink. Me and Southern Comfort are sayin that he came to me. A wager was made and hands was shook. A place, day, and time was agreed on and we was both there. We both warmed up, some of us more than others, I might add, I'm just sayin. We were out on the open water up to speed and I was ready to drop the hammer fully, come what may. I'm thinkin that based on the previous mentioned stuff that maybe my wallet is feelin light....
 
Jim your wise enough to know you never run without a third party holding the money. You got taking it sounds!
 
Jim, Some of the best reading and writing on here in a long while. I have laughed my azz off reading and have even emailed the thread to others who are not members here. With that being said..... I am disappointed with the outcome of the race:(. If nothing else you could have added to the story that the water nazi's came after you, you both ran, he lost control, ran a shore a sand bar, a great white came up and ate him (hence sharkbait;)) etc,etc,etc!!!! :bigthumb:

You do have a chance to redeem yourself as sharksh1t owes you money. Time to round up the boys for a good ol azz whooping, Yamaha repoing, and maybe even a new guard dog around the house :thumb: :rof:
 
Since I knowed that the sider and concrete guy was workin at the same site up at the Sharkaccountunpaids little town, I did my best impression of the Cadaver over the phone and ordered up some pizzas and beer at lunchtime for those hard workin fellas that was labourin hard in the stifflen heat, and put it on old Sharkdebts tab at the local pizza shop he he he heh heh....
 
Still haven't heard from you know who yet but my general contractor buddy was makin a trip up to you know who's little town to check on jobsite progress, so I had him post this picture of my wallet open with no money in it and a caption underneath sayin ' Guess what's missin from this photo ' , on the information billboard at the little store up there. Now I got ta tell ya about this trip to Fast Eddies place. Fast Eddie has bought this nice house on a local airstrip. He wanted to talk about some new lights in the hanger. There was some cool stuff in the hanger there includin this aircraft that Fast Eddie is presently installin the Lycoming 6 cylinder motor into. Thing is a Checkmate Playmate of the sky. Its about 25 feet wide and probably about that long. Not sure you can get two folks in there but if you can, I'm thinkin they better be pretty good friends. It's red white and blue. I can't remember what it is cause right about here is where Fast Eddie started sayin stuff like I-O 540, fuel injection, turbocharged, adjustable pitch propeller, exstensive modifications, and somewhere north of 500 horses under the cowl. My heart started speedin up at the thought of 500 + horses yankin that big three bladed prop through the air. Kind of lost me though when Fast Eddie continued on after experimental aircraft, fully aero-batic, positive and negitive G forces, roll rate, and a bunch of other stuff that went whizzen right over the top of my head, kind of rufflin my hair as it went past. Oh yeah, there was even somethin in there about maximum structural speed and a knife edge that was somethin to behold. Right there I started rubbin the edges of the back of the wings and agreed that they was pretty sharp. Fast Eddie liked it when I said this. He smiled real big. I'm guessin that the motor is in upside down for some reason cause Fast Eddie said somthin about inverted too. Well, I just cant tell you how much I'm lookin forward to this little test ride that Fast Eddie has offered up. He likes to hear what I been up to and really seems to get a kick out of some of the stories I tell em. This aircraft is real light cause when we pushed it out front of the hanger to light it off, it didn't take any effort at all ta move it. So we put this harness on the back to hold the thing from flyin away, and Fast Eddie climbs in under the bubble cover and plays with some switches and stuff and presently the prop starts turnin and in no time at all this thing lights off and commences to makin music. Sounded like a turbo Carrera Porche to me. Now ,much to my chagrin, there wasn't even one leak from anywhere, I think Fast Eddie was maybe showin off a little on his mechanical skills, I'm just sayin. Got kind of a tingley sensation all over when Fast Eddie run the motor up a little and put some pitch on the prop cause you could hear that big turbo spoolin up to shove more air inta them cylinders. Sounded real good, maybe even a little dangerous. Soon as the cowl metal is all back on we are gonna rip a hole into the atmosphere. Weather is supposed to be good here for a while...
 
Aero-NOT

Now I know were sposed to be talkin about boat stuff but I thought I might share. Now the names has been changed to protect the guilty and cast doubt on the innocent, I'm just sayin. Hung some new energy efficient lighting at Fast Eddies hanger. He was real impressed with the project when he showed up from work. I scared him pretty good when I asked em how much the bubble canopy on the plane cost cause I dropped a pair of pliers clean through it. He turned about three shades past white until I told him I was just funnin with him and appologized. Since the overcast was clearin up, Fast Eddie decided to take up the plane for a spell. Next thing ya know old Jimflight is helpin preflight the craft. We go over the whole machine and fuel it up, 50 gallons or so in three different tanks, oh yeah and some diesel too, for the smoke system. Now I'm thinkin that 50 gallons aint much when there is 500 ponies up front, but I keep this to myself. So then were pushin the plane out and gettin in and all situated and puttin on crash helmits and hookin up communication leads so we can talk in flight, pretty cool stuff. Fast Eddie plays around with the radios and insterments and stuff and tells me how he built most of the machine hisself, I'm impressed. Perty quick he fires it up with intent to drive. While were warmin it up I just cant put into words what it felt like to be sittin there feelin the sights and smells. Well Fast Eddie runs up the motor to check the ignition systems and that big turbo starts spoolin up and the wheels start draggin on the pavement, wow. So Fast Eddie releases the brakes and we idle down to the end of the runway where Fast Eddie quick talks about how to exit the aircraft in case of trouble and where the handle for the fire suppression system is located. Right here my stomach sent a quick message of concern up the ladder but I didn't pay no attention hardly at all. Up to now The most I've seen the motor turn is about maybe 1200 rpm. As Fast Eddie throws some throttle at the motor, its like the holeshot from heaven. That big turbo sounds like it is tryin to claw its way through the floor and the tach is readin 2800 and were off the ground like a skyrocket. Fast Eddie is feedin in pitch to the prop and leanin up the mixture and were movin through the air real considerable. Fast Eddie tosses a quick turn to starboard and were headed South. During the turn my stomach sends up a quick " What the h*** was that " ?. I'm kind a busy listenin to Fast Eddie as he is explaining how to grunt and squeeze my muscles to keep from passin out when we commence to maneauverin all through the sky, which is troublin me and my stomach all at the same time....
 
What have you got'n yourself into

This Fast Eddie guy is the best and worst kind of Friend. That plane sounds like it's easily one of the nicest play toys a guy could have. He's going to have you with bodily fluids coming out every orifice you have and liking it.
 
OK, so here we are bustin up through the sky at about 3000 feet per minute according to Fast Eddie. Now I'm lookin at the airspeed and gettin pretty excited cause its sayin 195 knots which I figure to be around 220 mph and I'm wonderin what this thing will do after we level out. So the wheels and gears are sliding and stripping in my head and I ask Fast Eddie to head toward the Sharks hometown since we got to be doing close to 4 miles a minute. I tell Fast Eddie about the matchup and what happened. Only takes us 10 minutes or so and we are over Sharkville. Now its kind of hard to see the houses through the trees but before long I make out the Sharks old rusty Ford on the other side of town so we buzz the house. This is one of the most awesome stunts that I've ever been involved in. Seems like we are gonna hit the barn on one pass, and as we go shootin past I can clearly make out the Cadaver workin on that purple boat. He is lookin up with his hand shielding his eyes. Next thing ya know, Fast Eddie has the smoke generater on and we lay down some thick trail right through the barnyard. Now I'm goin nuts with glee when Fast Eddie pulls up hard on the stick and the throttle and heads verticle. Right here my stomach says " I don't like this " kind of quiet like. So Fast Eddie makes his best impression of a dollar sign in smoke in the air above the town. Were pullin some g's cause Fast Eddie is tellin me to breath and grunt and squeeze. Now in a little louder voice, my tummy say's " Stop, you're hurting me " . Now I'm breathin and gruntin and squeezin but real quick becomin concerned about squeezin a little too hard and havin somethin bad happen. After the two lines through the s on the dollar sign, Fast Eddie leaves absolutly no doubt that he can fly an airplane.....
 
The reason I'm sayin that Fast Eddie leaves no doubt about being a pilot is that he flies the plane up, down, left, right, sideways,upside down, what he calls a knife edge, and he was really just showin off badly when he even flew backwards for a few moments. Now while he was performin all of these different stunts, my stomach was complaining louder and louder and was tryin to get my head and some other body parts involved in the complaint. I was doin my best to calm things down when Fast Eddie did this rip snortin stunt that ended up with the plane tumbling over and over like you was rollin down a hill. At this kind of abuse, my body was tryin to institute a general mutiny. Next thing I know, Fast Eddies voice is comin from far off and sounds kind of worried and like he is havin fun at the same time while he's askin if I'm OK. So he's tellin me to remember to breath and squeeze and I shoot back that if I squeeze any harder , there's gonna be a mess up in here! Fast Eddie gets a chuckle out of this one. After my eyes get open again, I notice were headed North and see close to 230 knots at the airspeed indicator, and I'm thinkin that's got to be over 250 mph. Fast Eddie gives me this white plastic bag and says if I toss my cookies to make sure they land in the bag. Uhh, I say. Right about here my stomach has popped into neutral and is trying to get into reverse but somehow I manage to get it back into forward but it was real close. So as we are ripping back toward Fast Eddies place without twistin all over the place, I'm feelin better and Fast Eddie is squeezin some extra velocity out by feedin in pitch and watchin the exhaust gas temperature to keep from meltin the insides of the motor. We are both feelin pretty proud of our little escapade and go back over it a coupla of times. Myself, I'm thinkin that type of flyin is pretty physical cause were both sweatin pretty good. In just a few minutes were makin a couple of low passes at Fast Eddies runway, and then we are side slippen in to a landing. While were coming back to the hanger, Fast Eddie has to kind of weave back and forth to see where were going cause the front of the plane sticks up when its on the ground. When the motor shuts down, its so quiet and when we pop the canopy, the breeze feels good. I quick make a run for the bathroom and some of them maneauvers must a got stored up in my head cause on the way to the bathroom I think I might have done a barrel roll and a loop and maybe one of them knife edge things,I'm just sayin. When I come out of the room there, Fast Eddie is standin there close to the door. " I didn't hear any heaving " he says with this grin on his face. I tell him " No, but I'm a little dizzy is all". I confess up to Fast Eddie that I think I was out for a moment or two during the airshow. Fast Eddie says that I did just fine. I helped him clean the plane up and check it out from top to bottom again. We push her into the hanger and call it a night. Tells me to keep him informed about the Shark and if I want to go up again to just let him know. I'm thinkin about keepin the old feet on the ground for a while...
 
hey jimmy my boy. what kinda airplane is fast eddie sporting. is it a 300s or a pits s2b or a yak 54. there are a few more to list. i am a follower of sport flying. i have rode in a s2b to find out that the twisting and turning just aint my bag of tea. love to watch him perform tho.
 
Hey EZ, Jimway here. Got a call in to Fast Eddie to find out what it is. Previously he said he built most of it himself. The wing comes from someone else and is fairly custom. Thing is relatively small with one wing, has a regular tail with a stabiliser below the rudder. Bubble canopy. Fixed landing gear with wheel pants. The landing gear looks like an upside down aluminum 'u'. Has a tailwheel out back, so I think they call it a taildrager. Threebladed prop up front with a spinner in the middle. I remember something about extensively modified, and experimental. You probably know way more about this stuff than I do, I'm just sayin. I hear you about staying on the ground.
 
Heard back from High Speed Edward, craft is what he terms homebuilt, based on a Rebel Laser 2300. Claims he is workin on one that has a turbine engine thats gonna put out enough power to go straight up and a reversable pitch prop so you can go backwards. I think I could feel my leg being tugged pretty hard but I kept it to myself. Now up at the Sharkowes, some comedien pinned a pile of fake dog droppings on the picture of my empty wallet at the store. There is this effigy of an electrician hanging with a noose around its neck too. They even got this little toolbelt on it with red suspenders like me. Doesn't scare me hardly at all, in fact ,we cobbled up this drawing in pencil of the barnyard and this famialier aircraft with a sharkmouth on it, flyin out of the barn door, and smoke commin out the back, and the Sharkscared and the Cadaver divin under the Yamaha. The caption on top of the picture reads ' Enjoying our Smoke Break '. I guess Fast Eddie and me scared the you know what out of all of them, { BIG smile right here }. Turns out that the house on the other side of town is Sharks Moms place. Oh yeah, Fast Eddie added a question mark after the dollar sign in the air while I was asleep there for a moment in the plane the other day. He's proud of his skywriting skills. All in all, I'm havin a pretty good day.... One more thing, if you get to see the picture, look under the boat cause I drew an angry skunk about to spray both of them as they dive under the Yamaha.
 
I noticed that a few people walkin around Sharkville kept glancing up at the sky, I wonder what's up with that heh heh. Every time a small plane was overhead, they were standing next to a building or tree or gettin undercover. Looked to me like even the elk were lookin up at the sky. I smell a rematch. Shark and the Cadaver melted the portside pistons, welded em to the cylinders. I got this info from the informant at the Yamaha parts place down South. I been thinkin about it and it seems to me that the Shark might not have a bunch of two cycle experience. Fast Eddie and me had a big discussion over some Wild Turkey and right before we started singin and fallin around and Mrs. Fast Eddie put a respectable halt to the festivities, we think we know what happened. I talked to this guy with a 270 HP exciter, and found out a few things that are particular to the machine. He showed some of the modifications he had made after smokin his portside motor. Now right here I would like to respectfully point out that his 270 HP modified vessel could not hang with the mate at speed, I'm just sayin. Now just in case the Shark or the Cadaver is sneaking around this forum, I'm thinkin we better keep from revealin some of these modifications for now. I am thinkin that if a certain someguys was adding alcohol to gasoline that was already around 10 percent alcohol, that was a recipe for lean right there. I will put that in print. Now I'm gonna boast this up as far as I can, Fast Eddie is going to go out on the Mate and see how she runs and offer up any help that he can. I may have forgotten to mention that Fast Eddie does some contracting for some guys that race boats around in big circles with helicopter engines in em, so he knows a little about going fast on the water. I can tell Y-all right here that the Mate is not even gonna leave the trailer until I see the dollars in a neutral third party's hand....
 
High Speed Edward and me in the same boat, on the water, at speed, can you imagine? He showed up with a bunch of equipment and had the motor hooked up for sound. Clipped some hoses up to the nozzle to check pressures and stuff, I was impressed. Fast Eddie liked the boat. Told em all of the stuff that I done to the craft. Fired her up and idled out through the no wake zone for a few minutes to get her warmed up. Got her up on plane and made a run at 3500rpm down the lake and old FE was likin it I could tell. He liked it even more when I selected 5500 rpm on the way back. Now that things was all up to temp, I showed him a holeshot and 6500 rpm down and 7500 rpm back. Now when we came off plane and was down to a idle Fast Eddie paid me a compliment, I think, cause he said that she runs out pretty good. He spent about five minutes writing in this notebook. Next I showed off with some turns and spins and jumps and on the way back we let it hang out some while I tried to keep from overrevin the motor, seen about 8300 rpm and we was dancin on top of the waves. When we got up to the dock we somehow sucked up a bunch of nylon rope which scared me pretty good cause the motor was all locked up, and I was havin visions of melted pistons and stuff. Wasn't till I got home that I found the rope all wound up in the jetpump. Took quite a while to cut it out. Once I got it all out, she fired right up which brought about a rather unpleasant visit from the Test Pilot. I was real nice and apologized for the noise and told er that I was done for the evening. Now I been training the cat to growl on que. Sounds real scary and when he rears up and makes this slashing move with his front paw it makes a chill run down my spine. So right here I tried out our new little trick and found out that it had the desired effect on the Test Pilot. Once it got dark the pile of really stinky rope somehow found its way down to her place....
 
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